164 days.

It's finally beginning to seriously hit me. Yes, when I found out Jessica had passed away I crumbled inside. But I believe that with death it doesn't really hit you until you're either at the funeral, or until you really truly miss the loved one. Although I've missed her every day since I've been without her, I can honestly say that I miss her most now. I'm mentally lost, and looking for a friendly being to comfort me. Yes, I have enough close friends that this shouldn't be a problem, but it has become a problem. I'm not looking for just any comfort, I'm looking for a specific kind hearted comfort. One that I let myself get sick of, at times despise. And now I'm looking back, and all I want is her. I just want to hear her voice, her laugh, her whisper in my ear when we're supposed to be sleeping but instead sneaking out. I want her hug, her high five, her fantastic smile. And I will never get these things. I took her for granted, I always knew this deep down... but it's beginning to surface.

I'm so honestly, deeply sorry for any pain that I have caused you, Jess. I know I took you for granted too many times, and I thank you for always looking past that. We had our ups and downs, but I can't say there's ever been anyone else in this world that loved me as much as you did. You always had my back, you always had something nice to say. We've shared the lowest of lows, and almost gotten into a fist fight or two. But with all that, we knew we always had each other. I want your embrace. I love you.